The lonliness of alone

Is it wrong that I am missing my children tonight as they sleep over at their friends' house? Like, I'm really missing them.

I'm not accustomed to quiet, to alone, to empty because my life is loud, populated and full, through them, 'us' and this little orbit we keep.

I won't cry but I could--the tears are just waiting on the order. I just wish I could say good-night and hear their voices before I sleep because that's just how my life works. I sleep after kisses, I dream after sugar-sprinkles and I wake because I want more of this sweet fucking life that I have.

It's all good. They've had fun I'm sure and I'm just raw for reasons other than having my children spend the night away from me. It's this opening, this unfolding that I'm going through. It's raw exposure man, but I think I like it.