Photo albums, thesis, crafts and other things left undone

I am about two years behind in my photo albums. I have the pictures on my computer but my albums are in limbo. I can only order them one bunch at a time to catch myself up but I feel like shit for letting it get this bad.

My thesis is still a black cloud hanging over my head--I am paralyzed by my own inertia and unmotivated by the sheer weight of the passing time. One day turns to another, turns to a month, turns to two years and here I am.

I have pine cones on my porch waiting for the final touches in order to hang them on our porch tree. They're painted but I keep saying we will add gems and glitter--today we will, we will, we will, we will. Alas. Not today. We won't.

The windows need to be cleaned, the floors need to be vacuumed, utilities need to be paid--we are two months behind and cessation of service is imminent. Filing cabinets and school room needs to be organized. My life is a to-do list.

I will be okay in the lack of accomplishment because for everything I wanted to do but didn't do today, I did something else. I call it trading. I did some xmas shopping for the kids' stockings--we're not doing gifts but I can't let a holiday pass with no surprise for them on xmas morning. I checked out a cute cafe in my neighborhood that I have not had the courage to try before today. I attended a birthday party w/the kids and got hot chocolates for our ride home. Planted some poinsettias in front of our living room window this evening and watered my plants. And now we're watching a movie in the same room as I type this.

I guess this is life. Sure I have things I want to do, need to do but the thing to do is that which is in front of me at the moment offering itself up to me.

That thing which keeps me in the moment...living and not the guilt that comes from looking back or ahead or anywhere outside of the moment.