What's in a name?

My daughter has been determined to change her last name in the last few years that her father has abandoned her and her little brother. She does not want his name to be a part of her legacy and I can't say that I blame her. His name at the end of hers implies a tie where there is none. I want her to have my name--I am her parent and I have linked her to this world since she was born.

Nevertheless, her thought process got me thinking about my own name. I love my father and he has never abandoned me but provided me with a lifelong support system and companion. BUT--his name is the name of my grandfather, a man who left a legacy of sexual abuse secrets and memories for his children, grandchildren and probably great-grandchildren.

I considered taking my mother's maiden name, partly because of my grandfather and partly because I want to claim the name of my mother as an attempt to buck patriarchy.

Then I realized that by doing so I am actually taking my maternal grandfather's name. So I thought I could take my grandmother's maiden name but realized I would only be taking my great-grandfather's name. So I thought I could take my great-grandmother's maiden name but realized I would only be taking my great-great grandfather's name.

You see where I'm going--this is my dilemma and heartache. How do I claim my name from the women who have lived me into being within this system of the father that erases their names from time?