Reflections...

A month has passed since my parents took the kiddos--we've stayed in touch w/emails and phone calls. I've moved in and out of missing them, sometimes only a bit, sometimes so much it shook me.

Overall, I'm relieved and blessed to have had this time--I focused on me. I got to know me a bit more than I think I did before. After all, so much has changed, I'm no longer some one's other half, significant other, partner--just Tina, just me.

Me first from now on. I am a mother, yes. I teach yoga, yes. I am a thesis candidate, yes. A friend, yes. An advocate, yes. But first, foremost and evermore, I am me--independent of the boxes others would like to put me in, impossible to define and limitless. Me.

This has been rough--'this' might have turned into a 6-month transition had I not been able to saturate myself in the nuance of my experience, all alone. In the last month I have separated myself from her, come frighteningly close to falling in love so that the subsequent pulling apart caused a small heartbreak, probably made more dramatic against the backdrop of my situation. I have immersed myself in yoga and really come to appreciate my practice as a centering force in my life, something I turn to, something I rely on. I have come to my knees. I have risen and fallen again. I have drank too much, smiled too little. I have considered giving up and allowing this life to pass through my fingers. I have been overwhelmed by empowerment, in awe of me and the force of me. I have doubted, for a split second or two, the decision I made that brought me here. I have fallen apart and come back together again, stronger than ever it seems--level, centered...god I hate to jinx myself. Level and centered, for now.

It is a monumental practice to stay in the moment--to see only that which is before you, to concern yourself ONLY with that which is there right now. So here I am--in this moment and all is well. The next isn't looking so bad--we'll see where they culminate and how I fare during the journey.