Emotion Work

As I sit down to write, to channel my thoughts onto the screen before me, to wade through the words as I seek out the adequate, dare I say, perfect structure of expression, I feel guilty.

I am so devoted to my children, so hyper-aware of my impact on them and the opportunities inherent in each moment that I am frequently struck by guilt when I'm not with them, interacting, entertaining, educating, talking with, listening to, working for.

If only there were some sort of formula for the proper use of time toward child-rearing.

Yeah right.

So each thought that I have is interrupted by the pull, the feeling of angst building inside as they play in another room, occupying themselves while mommy writes, thinks, reads...hell, while mommy breathes. Unloads. Unwinds.

I don't have my late nights to unfold into any more--I'm too damn tired. 11:00 at night and I'm looking for my pillow through heavy lids and a tired body.

I miss my late nights--it was time that I felt I could have without feeling as if I was taking it away from someone else...them.

There's a sociological term for what I'm dealing with--I'll have to look it up.

Hmmm...Now that I've written that, my curiosity is peaked...I'll have to go scope the bookshelf. Otherwise, I'll make up my own.

Aha!

'Emotion work' coined by Arlie Hochschild.

I knew it existed man--I read her like the bible in grad school.

Emotion work: relates to the unpaid emotional work that a person undertakes in their relationships with family and friends. Examples of emotion work include showing affection, apologizing after an argument, bringing up problems that need to be addressed in an intimate relationship or any kind of interpersonal relationship, and making sure the household runs smoothly. Cultural norms often imply that emotion work is reserved for females.

SO not my words. I nabbed from the web--Wikipedia to be exact, which no good researcher ever admits but in this respect, I can because I have studied enough Arlie Hochschild and others to know that this definition of emotion work is dead on.

I'm done for now. The guilt won.