My beautiful life...

Had a nice day today. Was called out twice for assault victims and felt really good about the role I played there--didn't feel pressure or anxiety when my pager went off. That's usually the case when I get breaks in between my shifts or have a light load of cases--I have more to give and give it freely.

Went to the grocery store on my way home and bought odds and ends that were looked over when I was shopping for thanksgiving. Realized that we have only 20 dollars to last until next payday--12 days from now. Hopefully, I will babysit tomorrow--love to see the toddler I watch and could definitely use the money.

We're also late on mortgage--almost a month late. I feel like such a schmuck right now--paid the cable/internet/phone, paid the electric/water, paid car insurance but opted out of mortgage. My reasoning was: late on one or late on three? Not the wisest plan but my plan nonetheless. In all honesty, I would freak out without my phone and internet and I know that mortgage will be paid...eventually. Certainly before a foreclosure.

Later in the day, had the kids draft their x-mas lists for various grandparents--after which, realized that their wants and desires are met and there's really nothing left for us to do. We've talked about taking a family trip anyway (in lieu of an elaborate giftfest) and the kids are totally on board with that idea. Maybe Savannah, Key West, the mountains somewhere--they really want to go back to D.C. and I would totally love that but we need to check pricing first.

I have to fight the demons in my head--those demons of consumption--to get past my feelings of not providing enough or at all for my children on this holiday of mandated giving. It's like a wave on the ocean--you're frolicking in the water and you see the frothy beast in the distance coming closer than you could ever run-in-water to escape it and then, it's barreled over you and you're as helpless as the shell fragments in the sandy sediment below as you're all tumbled around before you finally fight to find top from bottom in order to orient your body again.

I don't want to be tumbled with every other consumer--fight the system, man. It also stems from being poor but forced abstention can still be admirable.

Was able to talk to a friend who is growing into more of a friend everyday--we're in the early phase but I adore her and her children.

My children are watching a PBS special, Celtic Woman--they are singing holiday music. My children love their music, we've watched another special of theirs and my children were excited to find this on cable tonight. It sounds divine in the distance.

Guess I will sign off tonight and read to my little ones--we are reading a Julie Andrews novel right now: The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles, so I'm happily anticipating our reading time.