What's in a name?

My daughter has been determined to change her last name in the last few years that her father has abandoned her and her little brother. She does not want his name to be a part of her legacy and I can't say that I blame her. His name at the end of hers implies a tie where there is none. I want her to have my name--I am her parent and I have linked her to this world since she was born.

Nevertheless, her thought process got me thinking about my own name. I love my father and he has never abandoned me but provided me with a lifelong support system and companion. BUT--his name is the name of my grandfather, a man who left a legacy of sexual abuse secrets and memories for his children, grandchildren and probably great-grandchildren.

I considered taking my mother's maiden name, partly because of my grandfather and partly because I want to claim the name of my mother as an attempt to buck patriarchy.

Then I realized that by doing so I am actually taking my maternal grandfather's name. So I thought I could take my grandmother's maiden name but realized I would only be taking my great-grandfather's name. So I thought I could take my great-grandmother's maiden name but realized I would only be taking my great-great grandfather's name.

You see where I'm going--this is my dilemma and heartache. How do I claim my name from the women who have lived me into being within this system of the father that erases their names from time?

Car Trouble

So I recently had work done on my car to the tune of $600.00 which included but was not limited to, repairing the driver's side power window and an oil leak. Days after the repair I notice that the door panel on the door (where the window had just been repaired) had been put on wrong, leaving gaps between the panel and the door. I call the dealership and arrange to drive BACK IN to the service department so that they can fix their problem. With kids in tow I return so they can get it right. They do not offer to pay me an hourly service fee for MY TIME but they fix the panel in about 10 minutes.

THEN, more days pass and I notice that my car is STILL leaking oil on the driveway. I call again and get an ambivalent service guy with the personality of pee-soaked toilet paper who directs me to the appointment clerk to set something up (for something that should already be done, mind you!!!). I make the appointment but ask for the service manager and leave a message that makes it very clear I am not impressed with this operation.

The next day I am contacted by the assistant service manager (guess I'm not important enough for the real guy) and he falls all over himself apologizing. He tells me to come right in, if possible, and he will personally look my car over. SO---I round up the kids AGAIN and we make our way to Ray Carter Kia. We are met by the assistant mgr. who drives the car back right away and 10 minutes later is telling me that he did not find a problem. He suggests that the leaking could be left over spill from a recent oil change with them but he has added a dye to my oil, just in case, and would like to see my car again in a few days. He does not offer to pay me an hourly service fee but does offer a free oil change. I'm impressed and I like him. He's a little much with the sweetness and humility but he'll do, I think.

Then he does it.

I don't even see it coming and I'm SO not prepared.

He asks if I am married or in a relationship to know whether or not he needs to make a call to my "man" in order to apologize for jeopardizing this poor damsel standing before him.

Instantly, I've gone from a fellow human being, a customer in need-- to a set of tits.

Thanks a lot James.