Unfortunately

[I just found this piece of writing--the subject matter is a bit old but worthy of including as it delves into this shadow self I have confronted over the last few weeks]

If she weren't so god damn perfect, I wouldn't blink. If she weren't everything I want in a person, a partner, a friend, it would be so easy to move myself forward from here.

Unfortunately, her honesty is raw.

Unfortunately, she's beautiful and funny and speaks from her heart and has this gorgeous crazy hair that I love to sweep away from her face when I kiss her.

Her body is adorned by art chosen along her path, each meaning something to her at the time--beautiful representations of a woman unfolding.

Unfortunately, her eyes reflect her heart when she's vulnerable and I hang on those words.

Unfortunately, she's intoxicating and strong and fierce and independent and ambitious and hungry and her own.

Unfortunately, she came too soon or perhaps too late because it remains to be seen if time will foster more of a story for she and I or if the end is here.

Unfortunately, this was no accident--we were destined to meet, to connect with each other.

I knew I was being pulled in a dangerous direction, I knew my life was going to shift but I don't regret the progression toward her, even if it only meant a move from something else.

I want to connect to someone, I want to feel drawn, I want to love again because I want to be loved again, I want to live a life authored by me--so I jumped without looking, without thinking twice and without bracing for the fall.

And I fell...

Unfortunately, she is inspired by life, sharing life experiences with enthusiasm, listening with curiosity and interest.

Unfortunately, that inspiration has her so hungry, so in awe of the orchestration that it leaves her vulnerable when her time stretches too thin.

Unfortunately, she can't just live in the moment she's in...because there is no us in the next.