I'm afraid to be alone?

I think so.

When I think of living alone...fuck yeah, I'm terrified.

So perhaps because it is so terrifying, I need to face it, embrace it, experience it.

I don't usually run or fade from that which scares me--I like the challenge it presents to stay in place and ride the wave, even if it means losing ground, falling back, starting again.

Who am I in this realm?

What am I made of?

Where am I going?

What do I want and what does it look like?

Why am I most scared?

When will it cease to hurt?

I don't fucking know.

Were humans really meant to experience every possible human emotion in the broad range of emotions at one time in their lives?

I don't think so but here I am--fumbling forward through the experience.

I'm running so fucking fast in my mind, thinking past, thinking aside--anywhere to avoid thinking here, in this moment that is so suffocating and intense.