Dream

I had a beautiful dream last night. I was walking down the street with my darling infant--a brown skinned, chubby baby girl with chocolate eyes and glistening curly hair. I do not know this baby as she is not in my life right now but she lives in my dream world. I want her or him.

I was holding her in front of my face singing "Living my life like it's golden" (one of my favorite tunes) just like I used to sing to her earthly brother and sister.

I miss the little, soft body wrapped against mine as if molded for me--I felt that last night as I cradled her against me in my dream and we walked the city's streets together, me singing to her and her staring into me with those healing eyes, those eyes that single you out as the center of the spanning universe.

It is this craving lately that I cannot shake, this longing for a baby. He/she inhabits my dream world--the intentional day dreams and the unconscious night dreams. I can only hope this baby finds her way to me...soon.

I know I am having a selfish craving--I want to feel the way I felt when my children were babies. To feel needed, to feel centered, to feel new but I also know that I am a damn good mother and I have love to give--so much love. Maybe there is even a piece of me that wants to do better, but is that so wrong?

Sleep in peace my dream child until we hold each other again...