Musings of my day

Today was a good day--ups and downs. Accomplished much of what I set out to accomplish, except for doing yoga. I really need my time for yoga--it centers me and is plain good for me. I just like how I feel when I'm done.

Was able to spend my morning alone--Jen took the kids to piano for me and I was able to have coffee, write and just 'be' without interruptions. I was also able to write the first issue of my zine--"Mother's Voice"--who knows where that will go. I'm excited!

Daughter is really going through some things right now--she loses her cool and calls her brother names or irritates him relentlessly, usually until he melts down. I don't understand--she's typically gentle and loving. I feel disappointed in her. I don't like feeling that way and really need to consider how to proceed from here. I could handle this all wrong or I could handle this all right--in order to distinguish between the two, I must be careful. Man, this is hard stuff.

While grocery shopping this evening I ran into a professor of mine--it was awkward. I'm no good when I run into people when I'm out and about--during that time I'm usually in my head because it is a rare opportunity for me, ergo, I'm not prepared to speak to familiars.

Anyway, this professor and me--it's usually awkward and I'm not sure why. Seems to be awkward on both ends as well. I'm cool with people--great with a crowd, but one-on-one, I'm very nervous and most often I speak without thinking. She does intimidate me a bit, if I'm being honest here and I should be.

She's very educated, savvy and confident. I admire her--I do. She is certainly my mentor (she is my thesis advisor). But I do not want to fade in her presence. I want to 'be'--I want to thrive as I always do but instead, I wilt.

Came home and made dinner. Ate very healthy today--damn! Forgot fruit. Anyway, cheese toast on sprouted grain bread with yogurt for breakfast. Peanut butter with honey, coconut flakes and banana on cracked wheat bread with carrots and cucumber slices in ranch for lunch. Dinner was corn soup with wild rice. I was proud until I realized that I forgot my fruit. Nutrition can be so complicated.

Was uninspired to interact with my children--why? Why didn't I just pull out a craft or game--no good answer. That bothers me because I want that time and I want to want that time.

We did read together before bed. Read "Gathering Blue" by Lois Lowry--we only had four chapters to complete the book and we ended up reading them all tonight as we were so engrossed in the story.

I love my midgets--I think I'll go prepare a craft to do with them tomorrow...

'Night